I started reading 'To the Actor' by Michael Chekhov yesterday. Its really good! I am going to make notes on all the exercises in the book. It has inspired me to start back into drama again. I have had drama lesson for about 7 years, and wanted to continue when I finished school, but never did. And I miss it. The thrill of being on stage has never been lost. So I  contacted some theatre companies here in Hobart. Some have gotten in contact with me. One said that the theatre community here is very close and once you have appeared in one show it will be easier to to get into others. I got the impression that getting into that first show might be a bit difficult, but I should just keep trying!  I don't mind what I am doing. I just want to act, I am not interested in pursuing acting as a career. It seems far to..... I don't know exactly. It all seems very shallow. But I do LOVE acting! ^_^ So I am willing to work up to a leading role, well, any role really. I just want to act, to be involved. One thing that was quite exciting for me was that the artistic director of IHOS sent me a reply email asking me to call them! I have no idea if I am what they would want in IHOS, but I would Love to be involved! I have never had any formal training in vocals, but it something I am interested in. The thought of calling Constantine (the artistic director) is really exciting! But it makes me so nervous! I will have to get my nerve up and just do it!

I have written about this here because I am hoping through acting I will come closer to my spirit. In the book Chekhov talks about the connection between spirit and acting. As I got through the book I am thinking of putting anything interest here. Speaking of which, I have finished reading 'Wild Love'. I will have to go through it and post a summery of it here. There is just so much in it! So many life lessons that I could write about!  I will have to get onto that.

I am also thinking of starting a small community site for witches in Hobart/Southern Tasmania. So far that is all I have - the idea! It will all depend on how many people are interested. I might extend it as far as all of Australia if there are only a few people interested. What I really want is to create a group that gathers for celebrations, perhaps with the idea of forming a coven later on, but I do want to have a strong online presence. It still needs a lot of thinking about, and talking about. Does anyone here have any ideas that can help me? I am having a lot of ideas going around in my head at the moment. I hope what I have written makes sense!  I will have to sort out in my mind before I go into it further I think! I will post more on it later. But any ideas will be much appreciated!

Brightest Blessings to all,

Lady Diamond

I haven't posted here in a while. I think the last post I did was at the end of Febuary, and today is the first of April! I have been ranting on here a bit, and that wasn't what I wanted this site for :( So I am looking to change that from now on.

I have been changing. My outlook on life has changed. My partner and I have moved into a new phase in out relationship. There is a lot more trust there now. I feel that this has freed me to a degree. I have no need to worry about our relationship now. We have decided on a plan of action if things go wrong again. We have made plans for the worst. Which means that we are free. We have no need to worry that the worst will happen. If it does we are ready, we knoe how to deal with it.

Because of this freedom, I have changed. I am a new, bigger, person. I feel the light in me growing stronger. I feel that I am now ready to do something that I have been scared to do for some time now: magic. I have always been very aware of the power that resides in me. This power bubbles around, moving, shaping me, creating strong feelings, both good and bad. It has always been there. I have always felt it. But I was afraid of it. There is endless possibilities for the power that is inside of me. I could be amazing. But what if something goes wrong? What if I let a force into my life that is dangerous to me? What if I hurt someone else? How do I know the dangers? How dangerous are the beings that are out there? 

I have been reading about the occult for a long time now. I have read many different opinions; from 'You cannot do anything on your own. It is too dangerous. You must have a teacher.' to 'Nothing can hurt you. There are only neutral forces in this world. It is people that make them good or bad'. So I have been reluctant to do anything. But I have tried some things. Just simple stuff where I concentrate my energy on things I want to happen. I have had an 80% success rate, roughly. And nothing bad has come of it. So if I set up a spell, a proper magical working, what kind of power would I have then? I could do almost anything I wanted!

This is a scary thought. Part of me doesn't want this responsibility. What if I made a mistake? But I also know that this is something I must do. I can help people. I can help the world as a whole. I can be an example to others (If I choose to be). Do I have any right not too? Do deny the world the gifts that I have?

But as I say (type) these things, I begin the suffer form self doubt. Is this all just my ego talking? I doubt my intuition. I doubt my feelings. How am I to know what is real? What is my inner power? Sometimes it feels like there is another part of me, that is almost separate from the me that doubts. I think that it is my deep self. This self has no doubts. This self knows that I have great power, and that I am quite capable of using it. But there are still doubts.....

I think that by putting these doubts here on CovenSpace, I will receive the support that i never had before. I have never been able to discuss magic work with anyone else. I had a flat mate for a while who worked magic, and was a Wiccan. However, I was warned against getting to involved in her works, when I was meditating. I have had some experiences when strong messages have come to me while I have been meditating. It seems to happen randomly, I don't try to meditate, it just happens, and clear messages come through. And they are always right. I was told that my relationship would work out, and become better, and  was warned about my flat mate. Both of these have come true. I have worked hard at my relationship and now it is much better. My flat mate had mental problems. Serious ones. She was not a good person to be living with, let alone doing magic with!

And yet, despite all this, I still doubt myself, and the messages I receive. I know this is a weakness of mine that I need to improve. I can no longer hide my light. The world is waiting. There is much work to be done on my magical path.

And this is not the only thing that I have been hiding. I am developing my creative side. I was always under the impression that I had no artistic talent. At all. That it would be very difficult for me to learn to draw or to play an instrument. But I have decided to give it all a go. I have started to practice drawing. And I believe that I will be able to develop talent, and become a good artist. Maybe not great, but I don't think I need to become great :) I am also going to learn to play the violin. I am going to try teaching myself, and later when I can afford it, I am going to get lessons. There are many things which I have/am trying to teach myself: to draw and the violin, like I have already said, web design, and website construction, photography, different styles of poetry and prose, bellydancing,  starting to learn Japanese, as well as all my occult studies.

I feel that I have been putting off learning these things because I was afraid of being seen as lacking. Looking like I didn't know what I was doing is something I very afraid of. Now I am tackling this fear buy doing it. Learning things, and not worrying how I look.

......

I have written a lot..... Oh well :) I hope that anyone who reads this feels motivated to comment. I would like to know what your opinions are. These are just my thoughts, kind of randomly put out there. But I would like to know what everyone thinks.

Blessed Be.

I have power. I never wanted to use this power. Admitting that I have it still feels like conceit on my part. But I do. I cannot deny it. It is a part of me. I am a goddess in the making. I can shape my own reality to anything that I want. It is my world and my life. I am in control. But it is more then that now. I have always seen the power I have over others, but I was scared to use it. I didn't want that responsibility. 

But now I see the world a bit differently. If others give me their power, the power they have over their own lives, that is their choice. Everyone has the same amount of power in this world. However most people choose to give their power away to other people. I used to do this. I used to let other people have a great influence over me. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I never wanted to upset anyone. I just wanted everyone to be happy.

But as a result of this, I was always unhapy. I was always trying. I was always 'getting there'. I was always waiting for someone else to make the effort to do the same for me. But it never happened. And I had given away all my power, so I couldn't make mayself happy.

Now I have decided to use the power I have. Now that I have my own power, I have found that I have a lot of power that others have given me. I never realised the power I have. The more I use it, the more I get. I am going to use it to make my life the best I can. I don't need to worry about anyone else if I don't want to. I can choose who I lavish my love, care, attention, and power on. 

I have also come to realise that what I have to give is important. It is worthwhile. People want what I have. People are envious of me and what I have. And that is a very powerful position to be in. By being envious of me, people are giving me their power. And the more powerful I get, the more envious others get. 

For example, their is a girl, Bec, who went out with my lover while we were in a break. She fell for him hard. However, my lover had no intention of staying with her. He needed to see if I was the One. To a degree. He was always very in love with me. After our time apart, we are back together and stronger then ever. There is only one problem. Poor little Bec is still madly in love with my lover.My lover has told her it is a no go. He wants to (and is) stay friends with her, but he has come to realise that is all he wants from her.

But she has choosen to stay stuck. She has choosen to hold on to this hope that they will get back together. She has choosen to stay in love with him. I used to get angry and frustrated. "He has said no to you! Many times! Why won't you get over him like a normal person!" But I have come to realise that she has given me something very special. She has given away all her power. She hs given most of it to my lover, and a bit to me. But because my lover and I are so close, and we choose to share our power, I have all her power.

I am the master of this situation. I choose what happens. And beause I have choosen to not get angry and frustrated any more I have complete control over her. And it was all her choice. She has choosen to place herslef in this situation. If she was willing to get over her love of my lover, to learn from it, be thankful for it, and to let it rest in peace, then she could get her power back. But she doesn't want to do that. She clings tightly to it. Like she will die without it. Well, she seems to be dying withit. Her soul is slowly whithering because she has given all her power away. To me. And I can't even give it back. She must choose to take it back. I would rather she wasn't in love with my lover, believe me! 

But since she has given me this power, I might as well use it for my own benefit. I want my lover and I to be happy together. And she has given us so much power, so I am going to use to the best of my abilities.